Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
