It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wow bdsm is so cute
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
