R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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