i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
