you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
