I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
