no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
