Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
