my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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