a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize