the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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