Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
