please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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