Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
