I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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