I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
its liver damage thursday
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
