Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize