I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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