i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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