Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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