Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
