Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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