a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
