you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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