How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
