Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
