im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
