yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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