pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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