YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
