12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
