my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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