six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
