He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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