reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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