I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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