and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
