i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
