hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
