the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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