the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
