Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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