me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
