I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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