I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
