I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
