I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
