I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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