Got a toothbrush?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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