You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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