my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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