Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
