I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
