At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
