so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
