Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
