i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
