wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize