I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I still have a little drunk in my system
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
